Life can be unpredictable, and challenges are bound to come our way at some point. Whether it’s a personal setback, financial hardship, or a global crisis, building resilience can help you cope and overcome obstacles. Opposition and adversity is part of mortality but resiliency is the ability to adapt and bounce back in the face of adversity, and it’s a skill that can be developed over time.
I have struggled at times thinking something is wrong if things are hard. I thought life was right when things were going right. Now I’ve lived long enough to realize that I don’t need to fear or get depressed with myself or others when I am feeling struggles or opposition.
One morning I was reading in Alma 8 in the Book of Mormon and Alma was sharing his emotional challenges about being rejected in Ammonihah. As I read these passages, I discovered a pattern that I can follow for my own emotional struggles. I created a design in my scripture journal and I reflect back on it whenever I need a reminder of how to be resilient in my circumstances.
The lessons I learned as the angel comforts Alma:
- Blessed are you Alma (Becky) – you are doing ok and I know your heart.
- Lift up your head and rejoice – find one good thing that is going well right now.
- Continue to be faithful and obedient to the commandments – keep doing the basics.
- Return to Ammonihah (or back to the circumstance) – go back and try again, try another approach, or a new perspective.
- Preach repentance – teach what you do know, use the talents you have, and do your best.
I’ve had my own experience of needing emotional a few years ago when my mom passed away. It was really sad and hard for me to continue moving on after my mom died. I had been very involved in her care and comfort in the previous 4 years since my dad passed away. In that time, I had learned to love and serve my mom in a way I hadn’t ever known before.
One of the hardest things for me to do after mom passed away was going to visit Dorothy, my mother-in-law, who had been living in a memory care center. She had been there 2 years at that point and was slowly losing her capacities due to dementia and Alzehimers. Often when I would visit her, I would leave feeling so empty and sad because her light was dimming and she didn’t respond in her true character that I had come to love over the years. Sometimes, her reactions to my visits were unkind or harsh, very unlike her past self. It was painful to see and witness. I wanted to visit her and I valued any time I could spend with her, but it was so hard at times. The weekly visit to the care center became more difficult after my own mother passed away and I lacked the energy to extend comfort because I was heavy with grief.
One particular Friday, it was time to visit my mother-in-law and I resisted going. I didn’t have it in me to visit her if she was not going to know if I was there. I remember pausing as I walked out the door to ask Heavenly Father if I should go, or if I could skip it this time. Like Alma, I had a confirmation that the Lord is aware of me and I am ok. I got a gentle nudge to move forward and I did, not knowing how this visit would be. I also realized that my Dorothy was still here with us and I am blessed to have her still even when my mom had passed on. That thought brought me comfort. Another thing that kept me moving forward was that I had a responsibility to visit every Friday on behalf of the family so I wanted to fulfill that family connection for her. With these new thoughts, I felt encouraged to try another visit with her.
As I was sitting in the big room with all the residents, I caught a glance at the elevator doors as they opened and I saw Pres. Russell M. Nelson walks out of the elevator. I had known his sister was also a resident at that facility and realized he was there to visit her. It was humbling at that moment, as I saw the living prophet in person come to minister and visit his sister. I can’t think of anyone more like the Savior on the earth today, than the prophet himself. I felt peace and comfort as he radiated the light of Christ, not only for his sister but for anyone else in his presence. It was an amazing experience for me as I look back to see how earthly angels were there to bear me up on a day I didn’t think I could go visit Dorothy when I was feeling so down.
When faced with overwhelming emotion or a responsibility, it’s easy to feel buried and unsure of how to cope. The responsibility of visiting Dorothy became an emotional barrier for me to handle, But the Spirit communicated with me a validation of my emotions and what I needed to do that day. Then I was able to act upon the impression. Resiliency isn’t about ignoring emotional frustration but rather learning to balance emotions and gain perspective.
This is a life-long practice that can give you strength and resources to overcome challenges when they come. Remember that setbacks and challenges are a normal part of life; they come and go in big and small ways. To start practicing your resilience, try out some of these methods.
Develop a Growth Mindset
Having a growth mindset means believing that you can learn and grow from emotional challenges. Instead of seeing setbacks as failures, a growth mindset views them as opportunities for growth and improvement. To develop a growth mindset, focus on learning from mistakes, accepting feedback, and embracing challenges. This is where our spiritual senses can guide us forward. Instead of avoiding difficult situations, approach them with an open mind and a willingness to learn.
Build Strong Connections
Strong social and personal connections can help you cope with stress and adversity. Build and maintain supportive relationships with family, friends, and colleagues. Try to stay connected even during difficult times, and don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. Your friends care about you so let them be there for you when you need it. Volunteering or getting involved in your community can also help you build a sense of purpose and belonging within your community.
Take Care of Your Physical and Emotional Health
Taking care of your physical and emotional health is key to building resilience. Make sure to eat a balanced diet, exercise regularly, and get enough sleep. Engage in activities that help you manage stress, such as meditation, yoga, or deep breathing exercises. Don’t neglect your emotional health either; journal out your thoughts or speak with a professional. Your emotional health isn’t something that should be ignored but cared for and maintained to strengthen your resilience.
Practice Self-Compassion
Self-compassion means treating yourself with kindness and understanding, especially during difficult times. Such as during the time I’d visit Dorothy, I had to acknowledge the toll the visits had on me. But I also had to give myself credit for always trying to go and visit. Instead of being self-critical or harsh, be gentle and understanding with yourself. Recognize that setbacks and challenges are a normal part of life, and treat yourself with the same kindness and compassion you would offer to a friend.
Cultivate Resilient Thinking
Resilient thinking means reframing negative thoughts and focusing on positive outcomes. Instead of dwelling on failures or setbacks, focus on what you’ve learned from the experience and how you can improve. Practice gratitude by reflecting or writing down what you’re thankful for, even during difficult times. And remember that setbacks are temporary, and you have the power to overcome them. Cultivate the mindset that you’re stronger than the challenge you face.
Set Realistic Goals
Setting realistic goals can help you stay motivated and focused, even during difficult times. Break down large goals into smaller, more manageable steps, and track your progress along the way. This will help you feel less overwhelmed at the tasks of your circumstance. Celebrate your successes, no matter how small, and use them as motivation to keep moving forward.
In this life, we will inevitably face challenges that test our emotional and mental resilience. However, taking to the time to build resilient strength takes time and effort, but it’s a skill that can help you overcome challenges and thrive in life. Whether it’s by developing a growth mindset, building strong connections, practicing self-compassion, cultivating resilient thinking, and setting realistic goals, you can build resilience and navigate adversity with confidence and strength. You have the power to overcome the setbacks of life. Always remember that.